Open To The Public

As another year comes to a close, I have come to a point of reflection within myself.  Many things have changed in the past year and many doors that were swinging on their hinges, have now closed.  As a person, it is now my time to discover myself.  Who I am and where I am going.  And most importantly, remembering how I got where I am. I have come to realize that I have always been living for someone or something, never myself.  Although, the choices that I have made past parental guidance have all seemed to be as a result of the parenting I received as a child.  I always remembered running from whatever it was my parents wanted me to become.  And sadly, they mostly wanted me to become... them.  I, however, was striving to become my own person, with my own path. As I became a mother, I stepped into it knowing that I was not going to steer my children down my path, but I encouraged them to become their own person.  I wanted them to be individuals, and not mirror images of someone el

I am asked time and time again, why I am single,  And I have shot out answers just to brush off the question, because honestly, why I am or am not with anyone is nobody's business but my own.  But ya know?  I have thought about this answer.  First off, I am single because I want to be.  Now the question is... why do I want to be?  Hmmm, that list of reasoning is so long, but I will try to shorten it. First of all, I have been in many relationships.  Each one taught me something, and narrowed my tolerance of the things that people do.  At my forty-something age, I am pretty sure that I didn't live this long by needing someone to look out for me.  And it seems that a man's purpose in his life is to tell me how to live MY life.  While some women thrive on this kind of guidance, I do not.  I have worked very hard for my independence and I am not about to let some man strip it from me. A man seems to think that they are in the market for a Mother.  Someone to cook for th

The crossroads of life.  I have been in this spot many times.  The difference?  Before I had to chose a direction.  That choice affected not only my life, but the lives of others.  Everything I have ever done in the past 22 years, has had a direct effect on my offspring.  But now, my offspring are off living their own lives and doing their own thing.  Now, here I am yet again.  At the same crossroads.  Only difference is.  NOW my decision is mine.  So what now? I have been trying to chose a direction, but right now my choice is to stand still and wait.  Wait for what?  A sign?  An arrow?  For that I am unsure.  I don't really know where to go from here.  But I do know that I am in no hurry to venture in any one direction.  For now I am perfectly fine just hanging out in the middle.  Weather whatever storms come through this very spot, after all, I have weathered all the storms in all the other directions. Right, left or straight ahead.  Any direction but back.  I am not going i

Ahhh, the empty nest.  This is the stage of life that is to be enjoyed after years of hard work raising up the youngins.  I am in the beginning stages of this particular stage.   A mere week into it actually.  I must say, that I am rather enjoying it.   For years, 22 of them to be exact, my life revolved around my children, 1 in particular.  I couldn't keep what I wanted in the fridge, for when I went for it, it would be gone.  I had to hide anything that I wanted for myself.  Although we raise our children to be mindful of others, they rarely practice their upbringing at home.  It had come to a point where I would just keep MY stuff in my car.  NOW, I can fill the fridge with whatever I want and I know that it isn't going to walk away.  This is a concept that I am still acclimating myself to.   Laundry, it is now ONLY mine.  I don't have 10 loads a week, I only have what I dirty.  I no longer have to scuff when I reach for a towel and there is no more.  If the last

Life is a circle.  We are here to make a difference.  A difference in what?  Our lives?  Society?  The economic endeavors of others?  What is it exactly that we are here to do?  Does it matter?  In the end, when you have completed YOUR circle and have become one with the earth, what is it that you leave behind?  A legacy?  The words and wisdom that you have instilled into others that you had taken on responsibility for? No matter what our age, there comes responsibility.  As a child we have a responsibility to learn.  To take in what is going on around us and apply what we see, hear, touch, smell, and taste into our lives accordingly.  As we grow, our we gain more responsibilities.  We become responsible for our messes and choices through our childhood and at some point, we become responsible for the life of another being.  And that responsibility is of the utmost importance.  As we ourselves take all the experiences and responsibilities  that we have ever had, and use them to teach

Last night in my sleep, I went back in time.  I went back to the place that I call home.  I went back to my grandmothers.  I spent time going through all the rooms of her house.  I saw them in a time lapse from when I was little up to the last time I saw the house on the inside. The house had many changes throughout the years.  Interior and Exterior.  Paint, flooring, an added room.  It was my safe haven.  No matter where I physically lived as a child (as we moved around a lot), grandma's house was my home. I remember I used to crawl out on the roof and sit up there at night and just dream.  There was an old tv antenna that I used to climb up.  My grandmother used to yell at me for climbing it, as it wasn't very sturdy.  But it never let me down.  It was like Jack and the Beanstalk, that antenna was my beanstalk. Over the years, the house took on different faces.  It changed as I grew, yet, still remained the same.  It was the place where the entire family gathered at one

So, spending most of my life emotionally inept... I find myself at a very unfamiliar place lately.  I feel the need, or urge, to cry.  I don't cry, not often at least.  And definitely not in front of people.  That reaction was beaten out of me at a very early age. I don't always understand the feelings at the deepest part of my being.  I have spent so much of my life in a numb state of existence, than when I feel something, I am unsure of what it is, or why. Sometimes a song will take me somewhere that I long to go from time to time.  If the song brings out emotion that I wish I could feel, I actually feel it, but only for the duration of that song.  When the song is over, so is the feeling.  It does not linger... it just fades with the melody of the song. Sometimes I long to feel love.  Not just any love.  The everlasting, never going anywhere, strong enough to weather any storm, kind of love.  I have never had that.  I have read about it, and seen it portrayed in movies

Sometimes I feel that I am alone in the world.  And as awful as that may seem to a normal individual, at times, I relish it.  But then, there are times, like now, where solitude can be a slap in the face of what too often I try to ignore.  That this world is a very cruel place. My entire world is governed.  By people and elements beyond my control.  Has bee since birth.  Overbearing guardians, demanding children, limits on finances due to being a single mom raising 2 children, one special needs, on my own. When does my life become mine?  When do I get to call the shots and live it the way I want to? Relationships are pointless when you have a child with special needs.  There are more factors to consider and more complications.  The world itself is more difficult altogether.  My child is an adult now, but still the deciding factor of my day to day life.  The system sucks and there are fewer options now that she is an adult. So at this point, my life seems merely to just exist, a

As I look around and view the world, it deems itself to be a horrible place.  Not because the world iteself is ugly, but the people within it.  The way we treat each other is killing humanity.  But, who is to blame?  Over the course of my lifetime, I have brushed off most of what does not directly affect me, and kept going on with life.  Only in the recent years have I stopped to take a really good look around me.  And as I ponder the sights I see, I realize why it took me so long to look.  People do stupid things, make stupid decisions, suffer the consequences and blame everyone else for their own stupidity.   If I CHOSE, because MY life is just that... MY choice, to not go to work and get fired for my poor attendance, that would be MY fault, therefore, I would have to right to take that out on someone else.  So, how is it right for someone else to have a bad day, because we all have them, and vent our frustrations in irreversable fashions? Venting.... it's a natural thing,

     As a former retail manager, the most important asset other than your customers, are your employees.  Unless you have no life and want to work 24/7, you have to have good workers.  Your employees are the drivetrain to your engine.  However, to have a good staff, you, the manager, need to BE a good manager.      I have spent my share of hours working under the direction of managers who did not know the first thing about being a good manager.  They knew their job well, but did not know how to manage their people.  Managing people is an entirely different animal all it's own.      To manage people, you have to listen to each person as an individual, as well as listen and watch each person as they interact with others.  Not every person is right for every job.  You can't throw a cook out to wait tables.  No person should ever be fired who has potential, unless they are stealing or taking advantage of the company.  If a person isn't catching onto a job, maybe that is not t

Fast food is just that... fast, especially in the morning.  I, myself, am a fast food junkie!  I love McDonalds, Taco Bell, Burger King and Wendy's.  It amazes me at just HOW different two of the same can be.  I am going to pick on McDonalds here, because I frequent them most.  WHY?  They have the most AMAZING breakfast sandwiches!  Say it with me.... McMUFFIN! I commute to work daily, and travel some, so fast food and I are pretty good friends.  Just within my commute to work, there are a total of 6 McDonalds that I could hop in the drive thru and grab my grub and go.  AND, I have used them all, ONLY to discover that there is ONE out of the 6 that exceeds all the others. I work in a small Pennsylvania burb called Carlisle.  They have 2 McDonalds that are quick stops on my way through, 1 is a bit more out of my way than the other, but totally worth it!  I have to say that I have never seen a more organized, accurate, food is good drive thru.  I have never ever gotten the wrong

So, I decided to venture into an area that I personally hate.... car shopping!  I set my sights on buying a first generation Dodge Durango!  I have been in love with these since they first came off the assembly line.  I also like the first generation because I think they look sportier than their newer models.  So, I venture out in search of a Durango.  My criteria consisted of No carpayment As low of mileage as possible for the generation chosen Had to be within a certain $$ amount, as would be expected. OK, so, I had a 1991 Jeep that I sold in order to have cash in hand for a Durango.  Yes, I know that I am moving up to something much newer, but jeeps hold their value rather well, and I know that a Durango can be bargained against their gas guzzling and other not-so popular assets!  I on the other hand, could care less about them, I just love them. My adventure began scouting Craigslist, along with other resources, I was looking for something that was being sold private, as I

If you have been single for any extended time period, then you are probably no stranger to the online dating scene.  I myself have been playing this game for years now, and the only thing I have to show for it is this.   This is my attempt to give "pointers" to men searching for "the one" using any kind of online profile.  This guide will hopefully help point out profile flaws, and help you boost your online efforts for success. Your profile on any dating site is like a first impression.  It says a lot about you before you engage in any kind of interaction with a potential.  If you are going to take the time to make an online dating profile (some are very involved and time consuming), then take the time to do it right.  Fill out all the information HONESTLY.  If I am searching profiles, I am looking for certain criteria in a date.  I want to know this BEFORE I contact someone I might be interested in.  I want to know how tall they are (I don't like shorter m