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It's been 3 years.  I remember the day we met, the day I brought you home, every single day of your short 6 years and I relive the day you died every single day of the remainder of my life.  This is the first I have written about you, maybe this will help, maybe it won't, but here I am. I spent my entire life waiting on you.  I had your name chosen for 20+ years.  I knew the life I would have once you arrived.  I dedicated every moment, breath, action, emotion, and just life to you.  You were my heart, my soul, the true love of my life, nothing or nobody will ever take that spot.  It is yours for as long as I breathe and ever after. Johan Sebastian Bach.  A nobel name for a nobel dog.  I have had many dogs in my life, but none were truly MY dog.  They had attachments to others in some way or another.  I wanted that ONE dog that was mine, that ONE dog that made me whole.  People don't always understand that connection to a dog, ...

  Love... something everyone wants, that perfect thing, that one thing that will forever be in their mind, win or lose.  Girl and boy meet, something blossoms, they create memories and then... one day... it's gone.  Man and woman meet, something blossoms, they get married, have children, build a life of memories and then... one day... it's gone.  That seems to be what this thing called love is all about.  They hang on to each other, only in memories.  But... why? Rarely is it a mutual choice to end something that was created with lifelong plans and dreams.  Life gets in the way of everything.  Temptations, bad decisions, hard times... usually one or even sometimes all three are in the recipe for memories of that lost future.   At one point, someone is everything to someone else, but life steps in and presents an unexpected turn that can't be rewound.  And the culprit will do their best to hide their wrong doings, sometimes for so l...

 Where did you go?  What changed?  We were doing so well and then boom... you were gone.  The nit picking began and the blame games started.  Picking fights to manipulate my brain to divert away from whatever it was you didn't want me to find out.  Whatever it was you were doing, you had to make sure my mind didn't go there, instead, you had to make up shit to fight about, things "I did" that I didn't do.  You were so full of drama, lies and bullshit.   You changed when she died.  She died because of your stupid shit.  Had you put into her in life what you put into her in death, she never would have died.  But that's what happens when you play with people's emotions.  You kill them.  Not all of us are strong enough mentally to come back from the damage that you cause.  Somedays I wonder if I will, but I do.  I manage.  I put one thought in front of the other.  I drown out your bullshit with reality...