Year of Reset

 Time to Reset and Take back my life

Since Covid, life has been different. In the last 5 years, I have lost every significant person in my life except my kids.  I lost my Mother, my Father, my Step-Mother, my best friend, my dog and recently, I lost my mother's best friend who was like a mother to me growing up.  I have spent the past 5 years in an emotional/mental rut that I just couldn't seem to get out of.  So I made a pact with myself to make 2025 MY year.  The year that I put myself first, that I focus on MY needs, MY boundaries, my health and my life as a whole.

I have been doing a good many home improvement projects this year.  I have been doing projects to my house since I moved in, however, when Sebastian died, I lost the will to care about any of it.  I bought this house for him.  At one point I even contemplated selling my house, but then the market went nuts and that thought diminished.  Things have gotten better and I am no longer grieving for those who have passed on.  It's a part of life and I know that they are with me.  I feel some of them.  From time to time I smell my mother, so I know she's around.

June is my birthday month.  I have not really celebrated a birthday for the past 5 years.  One reason or another, it got passed over.  My mother used to call me every year at 11:30AM because that was the time I was born, actually it was 11:23 AM but that never really mattered to me, but it always mattered to her.  I took that for granted, because I will never get those phone calls again.  But this year I am doing something every weekend to make up for a year that I got jipped.  I am calling it my "reset"!  No it is not going to turn back time, but I am aiming for it to reset my brain and my heart and for me to take back what has been taken from me.  And I guess nothing has been taken literally, but time and years passing by.  

I am strengthening my faith as well this year.  Jesus has been walking with me since I was a child.  My life would not be what it is without Him.  One day I will blog my testimony to Jesus when I was baptized.  


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cycle of Damaged Love

Image
  Love... something everyone wants, that perfect thing, that one thing that will forever be in their mind, win or lose.  Girl and boy meet, something blossoms, they create memories and then... one day... it's gone.  Man and woman meet, something blossoms, they get married, have children, build a life of memories and then... one day... it's gone.  That seems to be what this thing called love is all about.  They hang on to each other, only in memories.  But... why? Rarely is it a mutual choice to end something that was created with lifelong plans and dreams.  Life gets in the way of everything.  Temptations, bad decisions, hard times... usually one or even sometimes all three are in the recipe for memories of that lost future.   At one point, someone is everything to someone else, but life steps in and presents an unexpected turn that can't be rewound.  And the culprit will do their best to hide their wrong doings, sometimes for so l...
Read more

Circle Of Darkness

The damage done to a child by poor parenting, or lack thereof, unfortunately can go unseen for decades.  It is also true that the damage can trickle down into younger generations.  This behavior becomes a pattern, so much so that full dysfunction erupts within the gene pool.  So where does it end?  When does the damage that has ripped one's soul apart without as much as a hint of being, end? It ends when tears are shed from the darkened soul and light may finally beam through the iron clad wall that holds the fortress together.  One crack is all that is needed to begin the destruction of a wall so thick, that normal is like an earthquake to the inhabitants. Where does it begin?  What is the foundation to a wall such as this?  This darkness and turmoil begins at the root, at the base of one's core.  It is how the world and those within it have nurtured or not.  It's like taking a flower and either watering and fertilizing it or letting it cl...
Read more

Milestones

Image
I have recently marked my time on earth as 5 decades.  You do the math.  And as I embrace this milestone (not very tightly I might add), because honestly, unless I live to be 100 (I surely hope this is NOT going to be the case), it's my last milestone.  I spend way too much time reliving my life in my head (I drive a lot).  Not only have a I reached this milestone, but I have recently become an empty-nester.  My youngest moved out and now it's just me and the dog.  Although I struggled with the concept before the reality, NOW, it's not a bad thing.  She still comes home, we still do things together and we talk more than we did when we lived together.  The old cliche about everything having a purpose?  It does.  So many things that I have gone through in my life, NOW make sense.  Things in life, challenges, hardships, struggles, all prepare you for what's coming in your life.  It wasn't that long ago that I realized that I h...
Read more