Merely Existing
Sometimes I feel that I am alone in the world. And as awful as that may seem to a normal individual, at times, I relish it. But then, there are times, like now, where solitude can be a slap in the face of what too often I try to ignore. That this world is a very cruel place.
My entire world is governed. By people and elements beyond my control. Has bee since birth. Overbearing guardians, demanding children, limits on finances due to being a single mom raising 2 children, one special needs, on my own.
When does my life become mine? When do I get to call the shots and live it the way I want to?
Relationships are pointless when you have a child with special needs. There are more factors to consider and more complications. The world itself is more difficult altogether. My child is an adult now, but still the deciding factor of my day to day life. The system sucks and there are fewer options now that she is an adult.
So at this point, my life seems merely to just exist, and honestly, I am tired of just existing. I want to live, and if I can't live, then maybe I just should fade into the wind.
My entire world is governed. By people and elements beyond my control. Has bee since birth. Overbearing guardians, demanding children, limits on finances due to being a single mom raising 2 children, one special needs, on my own.
When does my life become mine? When do I get to call the shots and live it the way I want to?
Relationships are pointless when you have a child with special needs. There are more factors to consider and more complications. The world itself is more difficult altogether. My child is an adult now, but still the deciding factor of my day to day life. The system sucks and there are fewer options now that she is an adult.
So at this point, my life seems merely to just exist, and honestly, I am tired of just existing. I want to live, and if I can't live, then maybe I just should fade into the wind.
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