Unfamiliar Territory

The crossroads of life.  I have been in this spot many times.  The difference?  Before I had to chose a direction.  That choice affected not only my life, but the lives of others.  Everything I have ever done in the past 22 years, has had a direct effect on my offspring.  But now, my offspring are off living their own lives and doing their own thing.  Now, here I am yet again.  At the same crossroads.  Only difference is.  NOW my decision is mine.  So what now?

I have been trying to chose a direction, but right now my choice is to stand still and wait.  Wait for what?  A sign?  An arrow?  For that I am unsure.  I don't really know where to go from here.  But I do know that I am in no hurry to venture in any one direction.  For now I am perfectly fine just hanging out in the middle.  Weather whatever storms come through this very spot, after all, I have weathered all the storms in all the other directions.

Right, left or straight ahead.  Any direction but back.  I am not going in reverse from here on out.  Any relationships that I had that ended, stay ended.  No rekindling, no going back to anything past.  It's past, it stays past.  I want new... I want a new journey.  I want to venture into the unknown.  I know what's back there.  I want to know what is up ahead.  And for the first time in my life, I don't even care.

The unknown used to scare me because I didn't know where I was going to land.  But after the journey that has brought me to this point, anything has to be better.  I am now my own person.  I no longer have to worry about others and my choices affecting them.

This, is very... unfamiliar territory.  And I am ready to explore it thoroughly!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Circle Of Darkness

The damage done to a child by poor parenting, or lack thereof, unfortunately can go unseen for decades.  It is also true that the damage can trickle down into younger generations.  This behavior becomes a pattern, so much so that full dysfunction erupts within the gene pool.  So where does it end?  When does the damage that has ripped one's soul apart without as much as a hint of being, end? It ends when tears are shed from the darkened soul and light may finally beam through the iron clad wall that holds the fortress together.  One crack is all that is needed to begin the destruction of a wall so thick, that normal is like an earthquake to the inhabitants. Where does it begin?  What is the foundation to a wall such as this?  This darkness and turmoil begins at the root, at the base of one's core.  It is how the world and those within it have nurtured or not.  It's like taking a flower and either watering and fertilizing it or letting it cling to life one drop of rain to
Read more

Our World Is A Horrible Place

As I look around and view the world, it deems itself to be a horrible place.  Not because the world iteself is ugly, but the people within it.  The way we treat each other is killing humanity.  But, who is to blame?  Over the course of my lifetime, I have brushed off most of what does not directly affect me, and kept going on with life.  Only in the recent years have I stopped to take a really good look around me.  And as I ponder the sights I see, I realize why it took me so long to look.  People do stupid things, make stupid decisions, suffer the consequences and blame everyone else for their own stupidity.   If I CHOSE, because MY life is just that... MY choice, to not go to work and get fired for my poor attendance, that would be MY fault, therefore, I would have to right to take that out on someone else.  So, how is it right for someone else to have a bad day, because we all have them, and vent our frustrations in irreversable fashions? Venting.... it's a natural thing,
Read more

Expressing My Thoughts

Image
Sometimes I look at life and ponder it's purpose, as does most people.  Then I look around, and I see the surface of what seems to be other's portraying happiness, or content, whichever the case may be. But I question it.  Are they really happy?  Are their smiles facades to avoid prying?  I do not fake smile, I do not shine light into my darkness.  I do not mask my pain.  I wear it, out in the open, for the world to see. I have been alone my entire life.  Always around people, yet, ultimately alone.  I like to do things my way, yet everyone seems to have an opinion on how my way isn't their way, yet, I didn't hear them volunteer to do it.  I shun their ideas, as I did not ask for their opinions.  These sorts of situations just thickens the wall (mental and emotional) that I have built throughout my lifetime.   I treat people as I want to be treated, therefore, I do not offer my opinion into their lives, nor do I pry into their situations.  But just because I
Read more