Open To The Public

Sometimes I look at life and ponder it's purpose, as does most people.  Then I look around, and I see the surface of what seems to be other's portraying happiness, or content, whichever the case may be. But I question it.  Are they really happy?  Are their smiles facades to avoid prying?  I do not fake smile, I do not shine light into my darkness.  I do not mask my pain.  I wear it, out in the open, for the world to see. I have been alone my entire life.  Always around people, yet, ultimately alone.  I like to do things my way, yet everyone seems to have an opinion on how my way isn't their way, yet, I didn't hear them volunteer to do it.  I shun their ideas, as I did not ask for their opinions.  These sorts of situations just thickens the wall (mental and emotional) that I have built throughout my lifetime.   I treat people as I want to be treated, therefore, I do not offer my opinion into their lives, nor do I pry into ...

The damage done to a child by poor parenting, or lack thereof, unfortunately can go unseen for decades.  It is also true that the damage can trickle down into younger generations.  This behavior becomes a pattern, so much so that full dysfunction erupts within the gene pool.  So where does it end?  When does the damage that has ripped one's soul apart without as much as a hint of being, end? It ends when tears are shed from the darkened soul and light may finally beam through the iron clad wall that holds the fortress together.  One crack is all that is needed to begin the destruction of a wall so thick, that normal is like an earthquake to the inhabitants. Where does it begin?  What is the foundation to a wall such as this?  This darkness and turmoil begins at the root, at the base of one's core.  It is how the world and those within it have nurtured or not.  It's like taking a flower and either watering and fertilizing it or letting it cl...

As another year comes to a close, I have come to a point of reflection within myself.  Many things have changed in the past year and many doors that were swinging on their hinges, have now closed.  As a person, it is now my time to discover myself.  Who I am and where I am going.  And most importantly, remembering how I got where I am. I have come to realize that I have always been living for someone or something, never myself.  Although, the choices that I have made past parental guidance have all seemed to be as a result of the parenting I received as a child.  I always remembered running from whatever it was my parents wanted me to become.  And sadly, they mostly wanted me to become... them.  I, however, was striving to become my own person, with my own path. As I became a mother, I stepped into it knowing that I was not going to steer my children down my path, but I encouraged them to become their own person.  I wanted them to be indi...

I am asked time and time again, why I am single,  And I have shot out answers just to brush off the question, because honestly, why I am or am not with anyone is nobody's business but my own.  But ya know?  I have thought about this answer.  First off, I am single because I want to be.  Now the question is... why do I want to be?  Hmmm, that list of reasoning is so long, but I will try to shorten it. First of all, I have been in many relationships.  Each one taught me something, and narrowed my tolerance of the things that people do.  At my forty-something age, I am pretty sure that I didn't live this long by needing someone to look out for me.  And it seems that a man's purpose in his life is to tell me how to live MY life.  While some women thrive on this kind of guidance, I do not.  I have worked very hard for my independence and I am not about to let some man strip it from me. A man seems to think that they are in the ma...

The crossroads of life.  I have been in this spot many times.  The difference?  Before I had to chose a direction.  That choice affected not only my life, but the lives of others.  Everything I have ever done in the past 22 years, has had a direct effect on my offspring.  But now, my offspring are off living their own lives and doing their own thing.  Now, here I am yet again.  At the same crossroads.  Only difference is.  NOW my decision is mine.  So what now? I have been trying to chose a direction, but right now my choice is to stand still and wait.  Wait for what?  A sign?  An arrow?  For that I am unsure.  I don't really know where to go from here.  But I do know that I am in no hurry to venture in any one direction.  For now I am perfectly fine just hanging out in the middle.  Weather whatever storms come through this very spot, after all, I have weathered all the storms in all the oth...

Ahhh, the empty nest.  This is the stage of life that is to be enjoyed after years of hard work raising up the youngins.  I am in the beginning stages of this particular stage.   A mere week into it actually.  I must say, that I am rather enjoying it.   For years, 22 of them to be exact, my life revolved around my children, 1 in particular.  I couldn't keep what I wanted in the fridge, for when I went for it, it would be gone.  I had to hide anything that I wanted for myself.  Although we raise our children to be mindful of others, they rarely practice their upbringing at home.  It had come to a point where I would just keep MY stuff in my car.  NOW, I can fill the fridge with whatever I want and I know that it isn't going to walk away.  This is a concept that I am still acclimating myself to.   Laundry, it is now ONLY mine.  I don't have 10 loads a week, I only have what I dirty.  I no longer have to scuff whe...

Life is a circle.  We are here to make a difference.  A difference in what?  Our lives?  Society?  The economic endeavors of others?  What is it exactly that we are here to do?  Does it matter?  In the end, when you have completed YOUR circle and have become one with the earth, what is it that you leave behind?  A legacy?  The words and wisdom that you have instilled into others that you had taken on responsibility for? No matter what our age, there comes responsibility.  As a child we have a responsibility to learn.  To take in what is going on around us and apply what we see, hear, touch, smell, and taste into our lives accordingly.  As we grow, our we gain more responsibilities.  We become responsible for our messes and choices through our childhood and at some point, we become responsible for the life of another being.  And that responsibility is of the utmost importance.  As we ourselves take all the ...