Collateral Pain


When you take time to reflect upon your life, how you've lived, decisions you have made, the roads you have traveled and then you think... what is my purpose? My mother called me her spirited child. No matter HOW she tried to "guide" me, I did my own thing and went my own way. But I was always looking for ONE thing... another human to call.... mine... only to get let down by the ones I had chosen.  But why?

Always seemed to me, that I gravitated towards those who have issues or emotional damage, when I too had emotional damage.  But when I decided to take the time (YEARS) to heal my emotional damage, I then was still choosing humans with emotional damage so I could take my healing and try to help them heal.  You can't HELP someone heal.  Healing comes from within.  Healing takes time, a readiness that not everyone is ready for at the time you are wanting them to be ready.  You have to let them be at that time.  

People will hurt you until they have healed.  They will take their damage and project it onto you as though you are the one who caused their damage.  That is not the case.  And in some aspects, this type of behavior, if one is not fully healed, can undo the work you did to heal.  This projection only adds more emotional damage to the one who is unhealed because at some point, they are going to realize that they hurt someone (or yet another person) who did not deserve it.  It's a cycle.  It's essentially... collateral damage.  The pain inflicted on the innocent by the damaged is collateral damage to their own pain.  Therefore... creating Collateral Pain.  You did nothing to this person to cause them to do this to you, It has been done to them, and they  need to get it out, and you are their target.  

I live day to day in my own mental awareness of the trauma that has been inflicted on me from childhood.  It has only been recently as I stumbled upon a book written by a child psychologist that I have really been able to dig down to the root of my own pain.  My pain wasn't caused by physical trauma, my pain was caused by emotional trauma.  In most cases, I have found that pain originates from physical trauma that essentially causes emotional trauma.  In those cases it seems to be a much deeper root.  Some spend their entire lives trying to recreate the trauma out of comfort.  They are comfortable, it's what is "normal" even though it is unhealthy and creates more collateral pain.  Healing sometimes hurts more than the comfort of the pain.  It is only in the moments of personal realization of how their pain and actions create more pain that they stop in their tracks and realize that how they live their lives, how they interact, how they project their pain, needs to be dealt with.  They finally realize that they need some resolve so they too can heal and find their light at the end of the tunnel.  Remorse follows the reality of reflection, and remorse is usually the crossroad to the healing journey.




  

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