Reflection... dreams vs reality


 Today marks another year on this planet.  Another year, 54 to be exact, that I get to live once again, moving forward into the unknown.  I think we all walk towards the unknown.  You can plan, you can map your journey to aspire anything, however, your destiny is your destiny.  

When I was a child, the ONLY thing I ever wanted to be was a veterinarian and have my own pack of dogs.  I love dogs, there is nothing like them in the world.  They are loyal and they always have your back.  And even though they don't speak OUR language, you can certainly learn and understand theirs.  However... my life did not take me down the path I so wanted to go.  Partially my fault, I didn't apply myself, I didn't make the right choices when they mattered most.  Instead of taking control of my own journey at the age where it mattered, I allowed people and THINGS to influence my decisions.  

I was an angry child, I was an angrier teenager.  Life presented options for me that were not in my plan, but I took those options because they were easy.  As I got older, those easy options created more drama than I cared for, but at that point, I had no other options.  We may plan a journey for our lives, but we also have to make the right choices and stay focused on that journey without taking the easy out detours.  

I am 54 today, and at this stage in my life, I have may blessings.  I have blessings that I do not deserve, however, I have them.  I also have regret.  Regret for not taking the road I wanted to take and not living the life I wanted to live.  I do have a dog, but it was not how I wanted it.  I can't change it now, I can only continue to dwell on what could have been.  Yes, I am somewhat happy, but I feel I could have been happier.  

I have bought some Veterinary textbooks throughout the years, and did some self study, and for the most part, I do vet my own dog, but... it is not the same.  Not even close.  I still long for that life I could have had, had I made better choices.

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